Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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