Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
