i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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