so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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