i don't like sucking hair
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
