i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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