...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
