your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
