Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
