I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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