Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
