He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
