thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
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Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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