Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
