New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
