I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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