nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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