my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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