please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
