I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
