i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
