in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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