Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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