I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
