i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
