she was so not down for the gang bang
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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