you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
