I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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