last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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