I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
