man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
