Me. At least after what I've been through.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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