Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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