By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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