Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
