Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
