I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
whose parrot is this?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
