Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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