i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
