The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
