Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize