college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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