We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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