Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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