never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
