We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
