And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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