Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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