Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
