Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
