aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I enjoy the company of your penis
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
