The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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