Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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