My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
