he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
