Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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