wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
