I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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