Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
