Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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