Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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