Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
love makes seman taste better
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
