Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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