I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
