Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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