One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
