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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
