he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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