we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
