so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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