i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
