i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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