At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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