i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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