This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You need a sexual gate keeper
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
