bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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